As parents age, it becomes the adult child’s job to make sure their parents are making healthy decisions. Gradual differences are hard to spot when visiting day to day, but when one can only visit occasionally, the changes are more noticeable. When you are caring for aging parents from afar, the Christmas season is a great time to check in.
Here are some examples of changes or signs you should look for when caring for aging parents during a Christmas visit.
How is mom’s weight? Has she lost or gained a lot of weight? Is she eating like she should? How is the stock in her pantry and refrigerator, and is it healthy food? Is she forgetting to eat or eating too often? Weight differences can be indicative of many medical and non-medical issues. If you are observing a big weight difference, it may be something to speak to a medical professional about.
How is dad’s balance? Has he started falling, stumbling or bumping into things? Is he less sure of his feet than he used to be? How is his gait; is he taking smaller steps as if he’s scared he’s going to fall? Has he started staying home to avoid walking in unfamiliar spaces? Is he no longer climbing the stairs to the second floor of his home because he’s afraid he’ll take a tumble?
Avoiding falls is important when caring for aging parents. Not only do falls often break bones, but studies have proven that once an individual falls, another fall is much more likely, and life expectancy is reduced markedly. If dad is being careful, that is not a concern; but if he’s already fallen or is limiting his life because he is afraid he’ll fall, it might be time to seek help.
Is mom taking her medications as prescribed? Dosages sometimes change and if mom can’t remember the new times and/or amounts, that is a concern.
How is Dad sleeping? Everyone has different sleep habits, so base your observations on past experience. Is he sleeping more or less than he used to? If so, consider talking to a doctor about it.
Was your mom the type that always kept a clean house? How about now? Some amount of alteration is expected as joints stiffen and eyesight diminishes, but has her desire changed? Has she stopped picking up after herself and you see evidence of unsanitary conditions? It’s important to evaluate the reasons. Why has mom stopped cleaning? Is it because of pain, inconvenience, forgetfulness or even depression?
Speaking of clean: How is Dad’s hygiene? Is he still showering like he used to? If not, why? Does he have a fear of stepping into the tub or falling in the shower? Or has he just lost an interest in the daily habit? An unclean body can lead to sickness, so if dad is no longer taking care of himself, help may be necessary.
Make the same observations for clothes. Are they keeping up with the laundry? And, even if the clothes in the closet are clean, do they remember to change clothes regularly?
How are dad’s finances? How are his bills? Is he keeping up with everything, or are things being paid late or not at all? Is he participating in scams or sending unreasonable amounts of money to charities?
Finally, how are your parents doing socially? If they used to be very active in church and community, have they begun staying home on Sundays and only going outside to visit the grocery store once a week? Does mom still send out birthday cards like she used to? Does the phone ring unanswered even though it sits within arm’s reach? Do your visits seem to bother one of them more than encourage? Has a sweet demeanor turned sour? Has quiet understanding turned into confusion?
If you notice any of the above signs during a Christmas visit, discuss your concerns with your parents with love and understanding. Be patient with them and speak kindly. It’s possible you’ll bring up the very subject they were hoping to avoid. The important thing is to be loving and respectful.
Help is available in several ways. Among the options for caring for aging parents are monitored independent living, home health care, assisted living and skilled nursing care. If you feel either mom or dad is no longer safe without help, research your options with your parents. Be as open to their desires as you are to your own. With a little professional guidance from a healthcare or social service professional, you’ll be able to help mom and dad make wise decisions that will benefit you both.
If you believe your parents may require additional assistance, consider Advent Christian Village. We have a range of options available to meet their needs including independent living, assistant living and skilled nursing care. Our skilled team is always helpful, friendly and reliable, so you can trust that we care for your family as you would. Speak with a team member today to learn more.
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